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Surveying Spirit
BabyDoll
Home | What this is all About | Continued... | BabyDoll | SEPT. 11,2001 | Editor's Letters | Links and More... | Contact Me

My Beloved Wife Karen.....

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"I just wanted to finish that Beer"

You are probably asking yourself, "What does finishing a BEER have to do with the other things we have shared with you on this website?" Well, that's when everything started to change in and around my life. Let me explain...      
The following is...My Life...what is was and now is...

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I will go back to when I was living with my brother and his family in a small town located in the mountains in Northwest, Pa. I was in my early 20's, and life was One Big Party, so I thought. At that time I believed as long as I didn't hurt anyone I was ok. Well, I was wrong and I did hurt other's, not on purpose and really not thinking I was. Yes, I was young, alone, and was just wanting and needing someone, anyone, to just Love me as me. I was so empty and I would try to fill that deep emptiness with whatever and whoever came my way.

Looking back a few years earlier in life when I was sixteen, I was trying to  (as most 16 yr. olds do) "Fit In."  One night I was handed a joint. "Why not?" I asked myself, everybody else is and they seem ok. So, I went for it and I liked it! As time went on I needed more, and my "friends" had it all. I  tried anything and everthing they would give me. Yes, I said give me, from Pot to Beer to Vodka to Speed to PCP to Acid to Cocaine to Meth to Angeldust to Qualudes to...any drug but, I would not shoot it in my arms...like it really mattered. I was wasted all the time, it was very easy to be, my "friends" took very good care of me....hmmm??? Not blaming them, just trying to make a point here. Now, since you know a little bit about what I was doing before I moved with my brother and got a little older... I will go on...

Now for "I just had to finish that beer"... I had been used and abused by men so many times...(their fault?), so I just gave up. I had a bottle of prescription pills and I just could not take any more, life was not worth living...as I was tilting the bottle towards my mouth, my sister-in-law was walking down the hallway towards me screaming "NO!!!"
My response was" too late" and down they went. Immediately she called 911. When the ambulance got to the house I was drinking a beer...
I told them, "I will not come with you until I finish this beer."
Hence the name of this web page. And they had no choice but, to wait.

When I woke up the following morning I was in a padded room with a straight jacket on...and I was ANGRY...why didn't I die ??? I stayed in the hospital for about a week. The doctor's were very kind to me...yes...you guessed it...more drugs...but, these were "legal." So I was sent back out into this world "legally" wasted. Thinking to myself, the joke is on them.

Then in October of 1981, which was a few months after the episode of the "I just had to finish that beer." My brother and his family started going to church, they too were doing the "drug thing." I was not interested at all, being raised Catholic, I didn't get the "church thing " at all. When I  was going the Catholic church, the priests would talk in Latin and I was told by the nuns, "I could not read the Bible because I was not an ordained saint", (something to that effect)...which I,  to this day do not understand? But, eventually they asked me to "give it a try." What the heck, I've always tried things before when asked, what could I lose? So when Sunday morning came, I went with the family.

Minding my own business and not really paying attention to anything or anyone. Seated in a pew with my brother, his wife, and three daughter's. The Pastor started saying..." You and your Budwieser "(thinking to myself), how did he know I was drinking beer and that it was Budwieser ?  Then the next sentence, " You need to turn away from the drugs and lifestyle that you are now living."  I looked around to see if anyone else seemed as ashamed as I did. No one...just me, myself and I. How could this man know what I was doing? My brother didn't tell him, nor his wife.. Surely, I hid it enough from my nieces, that they didn't know, it couldn't have been them. As he kept talking I held on to every word. The last sentence was the most Amazing..." If you are tired, empty, have no hope and longing to be loved. There is Only One Person who can forgive you, help you, strengethen you, give you True Hope and Who LOVES YOU more than anyone can ever explain...
His Name is JESUS CHRIST."

That day I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and Lord...I was changed that very moment...My desire's, my thoughts, my lifestyle!And YES...The emptiness was gone!!! Now, don't get me wrong. There were times and still are times in my life when (I think) , I'll take care of this part God...I'll call You when I need You. But, I have learned by these mistakes...Without HIM, I can do NOTHING...

You  see, we are all looking for something and/or someone. It's in our nature. We try to fill that empty place in our hearts with all kinds of "things". But, the Truth is... All we have to realize is, GOD is the One who put it there in the first place. And GOD is the Only One who can fill that emptiness.

In 1985 I moved to Florida. I was not sure why at the time. My parents had moved there in 1981 and were always asking me to move there. So finally I agreed. When I did I had only 2 or 3 suitcases of clothes...nothing else. So I was literally starting over at the age of 27. I had no job, car, furniture...etc.
At first, it was very frustrating...you see my parents do not know The Lord. They didn't quite understand how to react when I would say..."I am asking for God's direction" They were raised Catholic's and didn't understand that I was able to go straight to God in prayer. Catholic's believe you need a priest to talk to God.
Between them not understanding and me a very new Born-Again, Spirit-filled Christian in a place where I had no choice but, to totally trust in the Lord.
(Gee, is that why I moved there?)

Shortly after, I did find a job and bought a car to get me there and back. But, I could not seem to find a church where I knew The Lord wanted me to be. My walk with Him was now staring to get alittle weak, I needed Fellowship with other's who knew Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.Other's to pray with and study God's Word with...etc.
After a very short while I was Blessed with a very good job that was totally new to me. I was a waitress and bartender since I was sixteen. I was used to serving the public and I loved it...well, most of the time. But, this new job was too cool...I was now an electronic assembler. I was being trained to build printed circuit boards, cables, and different types of electronic
devices, for a hugh company. I worked the 3pm-11pm shift. Which was a good thing because there are far to many bars and clubs in that area where I could have spent my time. Still looking for a church every weekend and working all week . I started to ask where other's went to church. Most of them laughed at me or just looked at me strange...hmmm?
Not long after that I was asked if I wanted to go celebrate the new contract the company just received...job security and all.. I figured this could be the time to show other's that I was for real and didn't need the drinking, etc. in my life.  
BAD MISTAKE...
For ten years I fell and I fell deep, back into the life of self and sin...Why, you may be
asking?  To be honest with you...I do not know ? But, I do know that God never left me...He was always with me...calling my name...I just didn't answer Him. I decided to live totally turning my back on Him, knowing it was wrong, feeling that empty void starting to come back in my heart again. I wanted to try life (so called life) again on my own.

I was then transfered to another building (division) in the same company.
I was so unhappy but, no one knew I was...probably because they were just as unhappy and empty as I was...Drinking and getting high to "FIT IN" (wasn't I here before?) At the age of 35 still trying to fit in???
PRAISE GOD FOR BEING IN CONTROL!!! even if I don't think so!!!
I was hurt at work a few times...physically. I had pulled some shoulder muscles, and then I got what is called " DeQuervain". At this time in my (so called) walk with The Lord. I was attending a church and for some odd reason still not walking STRONG IN THE LORD? I was finally directed by other's to go to a "Christian Counselor". Now, don't misunderstand me here...People try to help you...and I know they mean well but...But, what I didn't know at the time was the best advice anyone could have given me would be from and only from the Word of God...I was again sent to a Psychiatrist...do I need to even say this...???
Yes...I was right back where I seemed to have started in my walk with Jesus.
Hmm???

I was then takin' out of my job because I was in too much pain and I literally   couldn't use my thumbs. At home all alone I was given a computer. At first I was scared of the  thing...Then I would play with it and see what it could do. Mind you, my thumbs not being used....On  some Very Strong Pain-Killer's  and awake all the time. I was online 24/7 it seemed. I figured out how to go into chat rooms and I would witness to other's about Jesus Christ!!!
In May 2000, I was in a chat room typing away about Jesus, then an Instant Message popped-up. This man wanted to talk privately about what I knew about The Lord. Now, some of you might question, "Can you really lead a person to Jesus in a chatroom?" I answer you with a YES!!! I have and still do...God is God.
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for Me?"  JEREMIAH 32:27
So, we went to a private chat room and started to become very good friends. We
were both very hungry to know and walk closer with God. We prayed for each other and helped each other learn Scripture. We got to the point where if one of us didn't come online at a certain time we would call each other to make sure everything was ok.

One evening, Matthew didn't come online so, I called him, as we were talking, him and his brother-in-law were talking to each other in between conversations.
I asked "What the problem was?" Matthew told me, " his brother-in-law and step-sister were truck drivers and in need of someone to watch their daughter, home and dogs while they were on the road." Without another thing said...I answered, " I will." Matthew was not even suprised at my reply. We both knew ...without any doubt... I was to move there. And I did, the very next day !!! As I was driving here, I could hardly believe my eyes. I have no words to explain it but, by this...It looks just like the town I lived in Pa. There are mountains all around and even the name of the town are the very same name as the  town in Pa. , where I worked at the Burger King...!!!
Now, do you really think GOD knows what HE is doing???? I had no idea what this new place I would call Home looked like,
I just knew I was to move here.

Only a month living here, Matthew saw how much pain I was in. I was still on the medications for pain and for the axniety attacks I was having. He sat me down and said," I can not bare to see you in so much pain any more." He annointed my forehead with oil and prayed, "Lord, You can heal her. In Jesus' Name. Amen." A simple prayer from a humble man, GOD heard him, that very instant I WAS HEALED!!! I have had No Pain since then, its been alittle over a year. Needless to say, I was still on the other medications for the axniety & depression I had. Again, Matthew said, "Karen, if God healed you from all the pain you were in, then HE can heal you from this too." We sat down, Matthew annointed my head with oil and prayed, " Lord, You healed Karen from all the pain she had, I know You can take this axniety and depression from her also. In Jesus' Name. Amen."
I then went through a week of very strange feelings. We realized the medications I was taking were so strong that they were actually numbing me. All 5 of my senses were slowly but surely coming back. I can see, hear,touch,taste and smell better.   GOD IS SO AWESOME !!!
A few months later, Matthew and I started getting teased about when we were going to get married...We would try to explain to other's that we were just friends-in-The-Lord. But, people were constantly asking, "how long we have been dating, etc.?"  We decided to take this to The Lord in prayer. We had no idea nor, did we even consider this step in our relationship. We just wanted to serve The Lord, know The Lord, follow The Lord and share The Lord with other's. YES !!! On October 11, 2000 we were made One-in-HIM...aka Married !  What A BLESSIND AND A JOY!!!
Since then we have been through many trials and tribulations but, if we didn't go through these times we would miss what God wants and desires for us.
We have had the Joy to see Matthew's step-sister and her father (who were raised Jewish) believe and accept  Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior...
We are now ministering to other's by sharing His Love for all. And that is why we have shared this with you, what Jesus Christ has done in us and through us.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LORD & SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!

Please, if you learn anything from my life, know and learn this....
GOD LOVES YOU!!!
HE  desires a personal relationship with YOU!!! Listen for His still small voice, call on  Him through prayer...I promise you....better yet...GOD promises you...
HE WILL HEAR YOU!!!!

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